Sunday 24 February 2013

Tall women

I have read personal stories from tall women about some of their dating troubles. A common* complaint by these women is how the men they wish to date are either intimidated by them or somehow "feel less manly" in their presence. I find the behaviour of such men bizarre and, more accurately, sexist.

Whenever I have been in the presence of a woman equal to me* in height or taller, I have never felt any hostility or fear towards her for being a tall woman. I've met plenty of people — men and women — taller than I am. Have they ever made me nervous? Certainly...back when I was I child, but even then I considered a tall person's gender irrelevant.

I think that many men who are freaked out by tall women are misogynists. The only reason a man could feel uncomfortable around a tall woman is because he perceives her to be a threat to his self-given "authority" or ability to bully her into conceding an argument to him by using his size advantage as a weapon. Any man who believes this or thinks that a tall woman would reduce his masculinity cannot be considered a man: he is a coward.

Even if he isn't a misogynist, a man of average or above average height bothered by tall women should put everything into perspective: how does a short woman feel when she has to interact with a man who is at least a foot higher than her? If the man intended to cause her harm it is unlikely she would be unable to stop him, but when it comes to a man and a woman of equal height, in most cases the man would still be physically stronger than the woman. Therefore, a man has no reason to feel insecure or threatened by tall women.

For the ultimate question, would I go out with a woman near my height or taller? My answer: Yes — why not? I'm not intimidated by tall women, I don't have a need or desire to control women or engage in one-upmanship over them (same goes for men) and I would not have any problem with being the shorter person in a relationship. I've observed taller woman/shorter man relationships before and I am happy for the people involved in them.

Men should not be insecure about tall women — or about women in general, for that matter — and nor should they only be romantically interested in shorter women purely to maintain a physical advantage in a relationship. All women, regardless of their stature, are entitled to basic respect.

[1] Some tall women prefer to date even taller men, and thus, limit their dating pool as a result. However, this post exclusively addresses male sexism.

[2] I am six feet tall and have met women taller than this.

6 comments:

  1. I'm small. I'm 4'11. It makes me feel bad because my exes used to make fun of my height. :\

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    1. It does upset me that you have to go through that. :(

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  2. I sort of agree with the misogynist thing, but not entirely - I think it's cultural, to a large extent, which can translate into a sort of power play but subconsciously. I'm 5'11" and Jon's 6' (when he stands up straight) and I only ever dated one boy shorter. so maybe I subconsciously play into the cultural norm, too? He doesn't care whether or not I wear heels, but I noticed when we were both in London that I rarely wore heels when we were going out together. Again, not anything he pressured me into doing, but something I myself was insecure about, I guess. Yargh! Must think more on this.

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    1. I do think misogyny is a large part of some men's discomfort with tall women, but you are right that there are societal influences in play, too. It's long been the expectation that the man "has" to be the taller person in a heterosexual relationship, and any deviation from this is often viewed as "wrong"...even in today's world!

      Oh, and a thumbs up to Jon. :) He's a good man.

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  3. I think this is one of those things they need to start showing in entertainment. It seems all women in movies and on TV are at least 6 inches shorter than the males. Even in ballet, dancers have to be shorter than the males, even when they are standing en pointe.

    I'm only 5'6" and it's difficult for me to wear heels because I start "towering" over the men.

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    1. It would be good to see a greater amount of tall women in movies and TV. Not that women of average or shorter height should be neglected, but seeing more women tower over men would be nice!

      Thank you for informing me about those rules in ballet. I will admit that, as someone unfamiliar with ballet, I wasn't aware of this! :(

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