There was a salesman who had a particular talent for convincing people to buy his made-up, useless products by passing them off as worthwhile items; he travelled from place to place in his van, duping the city-folk into purchasing his junk. He had amazed himself with his ability to sell almost anything, and among the objects he had sold so far were wooden camera holders, shoes made out of newspaper, and "Halloween cloaks" (a toilet seat with a bed sheet attached to it, sold as a costume). He found his work to be easy money, with the only drawback of the job being him not able to remain in any place for too long.
His current project was getting people to buy "gold dirt spheres", which in reality were balls of dried mud wrapped up in gold-coloured foil with a weight in the centre to simulate them being made partially of gold. He had set up shop at a busy market in a large city; the bright colours of his van set him apart from the dull-looking stands that surrounded his position. The salesman soon had a person come to view what he had for sale.
"Hello!" the salesman said to his first client. "How can I help you?" One thing that always helped his business was that he was calm in his demeanour; he found that sellers who behaved in an overly happy, creepy, or aggressive manner sold fewer products than those who gently talked their customers into buying something. If anything, he found that confusing customers and making fake promises sold more than coming across as too emotional or too interested in the customer's money.
"Yes," the client said. "Exactly what do you sell?"
"I sell these beautiful, hand-made gold dirt spheres," the salesman replied. "They are balls of dried mud, covered in a shell of gold. The ones I have for sale here are a special batch, as I have engraved them with the local symbol of this city. With the amount of work I have to put into these, normally these cost anywhere between £500-£700, but these are at a reduced price of £325."
"Why would anyone want to buy a lump of dirt wrapped in gold, even for a reduced price?" the client asked as they picked up one of the balls and examined it.
"Why do people buy anything at all, why not just steal?" the salesman responded. "Tell me, are you visiting or do you live here, and are you happy with your time in this city?"
"On holiday," the client replied, bemused at the questions. "It has been a blast coming here for the summer...the people here have been so nice."
"Ah! Well, then I have some perfect reasons for you to buy one of my hand-crafted gold dirt spheres!" the salesman said, only getting slightly excited as to appear human rather than robotic. "Think of having one of these as a souvenir for the wonderful time you have had on your holiday here. On top of that, remember that these are made of gold, so if you pay £325 for it now, you'll be able to sell if for more later as gold value increases!"
"Well, I''m not sure..." the client began.
"Besides, a portion...10%...of the sale goes to helping other people," the salesman then added. "Surely you don't want to miss out on a way to be charitable as a token of your appreciation for this city and its people for their hospitality?"
"Of course, you're right," the client said with a smile as they began to pull out some money. "You know what, I'll even round it up and pay £350 if it ensures a little more goes to charity...as a token of my appreciation."
"That's good to hear," the salesman replied as he successfully completed the sell. "You've made someone really happy today. I hope you have a lovely rest of the day and holiday."
After his client walked off with their gold dirt sphere, the salesman congratulated himself on breaking his own record on selling useless items to people, and laughed that he had made over £300 in profit on this venture already. As he replaced the previous gold dirt sphere's hold with another ball, two policemen approached him.
"Hello officers," the salesman said nonchalantly. "Can I interest you in any of my products?"
"Yes, you can," one of the policemen replied, placing handcuffs on the salesman. "All of these items are to be confiscated, and you are under arrest on numerous accounts of fraud including claiming that a portion of your profits go to charity. We have been searching for you all over the country for the last three weeks. Your little operation is, as of this moment, permanently shut down."
"Oh well, I suppose it had to happen someday," the salesman said as he was escorted away by the police.
Sometime later, after the salesman had been tried, convicted, and sentenced to prison for his crimes, he managed to continue his work in selling junk items to people. His current project? Selling a type of origami made from the foil of food trays to his fellow inmates, claiming his pieces to be made of silver.
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