Tuesday, 18 August 2015

A somewhat-justified douchey way of breaking up

Well, how about that: my second "douchebag breakup" post in less than a week after a year and a half's rest. So what am I complaining about this time? Ghosting:

http://www.nytimes.com/2015/06/26/fashion/exes-explain-ghosting-the-ultimate-silent-treatment.html?_r=1

To cut a long story short, "ghosting" is when somebody "goes silent" and ignores all attempts at contact from a particular person. Ghosting can be performed on anyone, be it a friend, family member or relationship. I am mostly against this behaviour but there are times when it is warranted.

On one hand, I consider ghosting to be extraordinarily rude. I hate it when someone ignores a good-faith message and I know from talking to some of my friends that I'm not the only one who holds this opinion. A lady in the aforementioned article dated a man for eight months and invited him to a wedding, only for him to start ignoring her and date another woman. This man should be ashamed of himself but that sort of person doesn't care about the feelings of others; rather than choose to end the relationship person-to-person, he opted for the coward's way out and ended communication. Unacceptable. If you want to end a relationship or friendship, have the courage to tell the other person rather than chicken out and run away.

On the other hand, I see no problem with ghosting someone who is abusive, a creep or a run-of-the-mill jerk (or something similar). None of these types of people deserve an explanation as to why someone is cutting off contact with them and the ghoster is correct to protect themselves if they feel threatened. I can also see ghosting being acceptable if a major and devastating event has taken place in one's life and dealing with the fallout from that takes priority over a relationship, to the disappointment of the ghostee.

I confess that I have ghosted someone once but I feel justified in doing so. A few years ago, I was in e-mail contact with someone for a few months and we had (sort of) become online friends; however, one day this person said something that caused me to severely doubt who they said they were. As such, I ceased talking to them and ignored a "where are you?" e-mail, for I no longer felt comfortable.

To summarise, overall I am opposed to ghosting but I do believe that there are situations in which it is justified and I have used it myself. It depends on the context.

6 comments:

  1. I know I ghosted with my stalker...

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    1. Completely justified in that situation.

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  2. I agree ghosting is really not a good way to do things. A "I'm not going to contact you anymore" text only takes a second. But when the person is creepy or abusive, ghosting is the best thing to do.

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  3. Does your generation have "Dear John" letters? That's how it worked 25 years ago, or so.

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