I read this article on the Daily Mail about a University of Queensland study claiming that refusing to apologise boosts a person's sense of self-worth and feeling of empowerment:
I consider studies like this to be disruptive: society is already rude enough as it is, and giving encouragement to uncivil people will only exacerbate the problem. Granted, it's only a small study (228 people) and it is the Daily Mail that is reporting it, but really, the world doesn't need any more arrogant people!
Fortunately, the majority of commenters on the article have dismissed the study, with the minuscule sample size being the primary reason for its rejection. Multiple people also thought that there are enough rude types around and/or had no interest in being friends or family with someone who has zero regard for the feelings of others; in my own experience, most people I've met would rather apologise for a wrongdoing than ignore what others think to strengthen their own self-importance.
If I make a mistake that requires an apology, I apologise. I don't receive any sort of satisfaction from refusing to give an apology; in fact, I feel awful when I haven't been able to give an apology to somebody when one was clearly required. On the other hand, I don't apologise excessively so that apologising becomes meaningless, but I'd rather have respect for someone else's feelings than be a jerk.
I agree. Sometimes I wonder about these studies and people.
ReplyDeleteMe, too.
DeleteIt's even worse when people refuse an apology. Someone took effort to try to mend feelings and society promotes not accepting as if a grudge and personal pride are more important than two people moving on with their lives.
ReplyDeleteWhile I haven't had it happen to me personally, I have observed other people refuse an apology and act as though the person who committed the wrongdoing against them never made any amends for their actions. :(
DeleteI think that society is CERTAINLY rude enough already, but I agree with a tangent of this study - we need to think before we apologize. Blindinly throwing out "I'm sorry"s left and right doesn't help anyone; it dilutes the sentiment and, over time, probably can make one feel somewhat worthless.
ReplyDeleteI agree with you! :) Excessive apologies do cheapen the sentiment: No one will know if you are apologising because you feel remorse or want someone to shut up. Still, I don't like giving encouragement to jerks.
DeleteMaybe the people who apologise too much can share some of their apologies with those who don't apologise at all. :)