On the word "frape"

For the most part, I am fairly relaxed about vulgar language. Rude words don't usually offend me unless they are said to excess, to which I then find them boring. That being said, there are certain words that do bother me - especially terms that are racist or sexist - with one in particular being "frape".

A "frape" is defined as when someone has their Facebook profile modified without permission by another person (hence, a portmanteau of "Facebook" and "rape"). It can refer to a person having their account broken into, but for the vast majority of the time it's when someone forgot to log out, their friends use their computer, and those friends change the person's profile around in a humorous manner.

I object most strongly to this frivolous use of the word "rape". Having your Facebook profile picture changed to a balloon or having nonsense written on your timeline is nothing compared to a woman having her body violated. A rape mentally and physically scars a woman for life; a couple of friends messing about with your profile will temporarily make you look foolish and ensure you remember to log out in future and/or increase your account's security. At the end of the day everyone will understand, laugh at, and move on from a non-hostile (if initially unwelcome) practical joke between friends; a rape is not at all humorous nor are its consequences merely fleeting.

The originator of "frape" probably came up with the term in good faith, but they and other people who have used it since don't understand that when we cheapen the word "rape" we risk trivialising how serious and disgusting rape really is. One could argue that editing a profile without permission is still a violation in itself - it is! It's an invasion of a person's space - but it's not rape. Even if an unrelated person hacks into an account it still cannot be likened to rape; it's both wrong and condemnable, but it's still not rape. I'm sure nearly everybody would object to having their accounts hijacked - and in no way am I playing down the importance of account security - but those same people would be further opposed to themselves and others being raped.

The solution to dealing with the usage of "frape" is to firmly explain why modifying a friend's Facebook profile is not comparable to the violation of a woman's body and the loss of her dignity. Say how offensive the term is to women who have suffered rape or how rape-related humour only serves to enable rapists. You could even say it comes across as misogynistic! However you decide to put it, make it clear that the word they are using is unacceptable. If we don't take action, nothing will change; I freely admit that I have made the mistake of letting the use of the aforementioned offensive term go unchallenged, and I am ashamed by that.

Rape is one of those topics that I refuse to take lightly. If we joke about rape we harm those affected by it, we encourage the rapists; and we do nothing in preventing others from becoming victims of such a violent, disgraceful act.